Mike's Story

My name is Mike Cullen and I am a recovering alcoholic and drug addict. I am also the Board Chairperson for the Simon House Board of Directors. Where I have come from and what I am doing today is never something I take lightly. I was honoured when Dr. John Rook asked me to write this for the Simon House newsletter and I was also a bit uneasy about it. The reason I was uneasy is I knew I could not write this without breaking my anonymity to so many people whom I do not know or have not met. But to write this I need you to know who I am. I am not who I was 30 years ago.

Let me back this up. One of the reasons I am honoured to write this is because on January 7th I celebrated 30 years of continuous sobriety. A little humour between us long-timers is “yes, that includes weekends too!” I have been clean and sober since January 7th, 1993.

Getting sober was not easy. It’s one of the hardest things I have ever done. I only had two options left to me and because I had children, I chose the detox option. At this time, I was hopeless. I had no hope for a future of any kind. Honestly, everything I have, and I am today, was far beyond my imagination or thought abilities. My imagination wondered if I would drink again before I detoxed. Would I drink again right after detoxing? When will I drink again? When would I use again? Would I be able to get a job? I had plummeted so far down the scale that I had no dignity left. No dignity and no hope are an awful place for a human being to be stranded. Alone, hopeless and burned out I started my detox. The thing that kept me going was my 3 young kids. Not even old enough for school yet. They deserved better and I knew that. They never asked for this life. They are what triggered my recovery.

The first weeks, months and the first two years were hard. I can’t stress that enough. There was a lot I had to fix, and it was mostly all internal. There were some other obligations I was behind on that needed to be fixed also. The first two years were not only hard, but they were also scary. I was still filled with fear and anxiety. Fear, anxiety, dishonesty and self-centeredness were the demons I woke with every day. Fortunately I had some men in my life who worked in the energy industry who had already walked this path into sobriety and they were there to lift me, prod me and convince me to give the 12 Steps a shot. I did and it’s the best thing to ever happen to me. The 12 Step fellowships give us a way to work through our issues, our problems and begin to rid ourselves of character defects and to start to see where we can be useful and helpful and what could be packed into the stream of life. The 12 Step fellowships also give us a support group in which we can discuss with each other what is or was pulling us down. Earlier when I left a parole officer’s office or a therapist office, I was still alone with no one to discuss my thoughts and feelings. I had spent my life up until this time believing I was the only man who had these thoughts. The only man who had anxiety. The only man who had depression. As I mentioned earlier it was a dreadful place to be stranded.

I don’t have the space here to tell my whole story of recovery but it’s a fantastic one. Sometimes sad, mostly happy but always filled with hope.

“There is no more aloneness, with that awful ache, so deep in the heart of every alcoholic that nothing before could ever reach it.” Page 312 of the book Alcoholics Anonymous.

I have had a great career. I married a wonderful woman 21 years ago and between us we have 5 kids. I am now retired from the oil and gas business and looking back on where I came from, I can only be grateful for all that I have and all that has happened.

I said earlier that “I am not who I was 30 years ago”. Because my life has changed so much and become so abundant, not with material wealth but with love and hope, that is why I am on the Board at Simon House today. I want our clients to be able to become the person they were really meant to be. That one that is hiding inside. In 30 years, I would love to hear our clients say “Darn, that chairperson was right. Life does get better.”

It’s my dream that every human who walks into Simon House never drinks or uses dope again. I want to do whatever I can do to support the staff at Simon House so they can help people recover from that seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. I want everyone struggling to know that no one has to ever be alone again. That their word “hopeless” can be turned into “hope filled.”

Simon House doesn’t just stop with our clients. Simon House restores families and reunites children with parents. Simon House helps to build a better community for all. Puts people back to work. Gives people dignity.

Creates HOPE.

As the Board Chair I want to thank you for all your support. We can’t do this alone and we certainly can’t do this without you.

— Mike Cullen

Board Chair, Simon House Recovery Centre