Jesse's Story

Path to Spiritual Redemption

A Life In Recovery, I Am Evermore Grateful

My name is Jesse F and I am a member of Alcoholics Anonymous and alumni of Simon House Residence Society. Four years ago, I was dying of untreated alcoholism and drug addiction. My partner had just died of a cocaine overdose, and I was following in her path. I decided to get sober so I wouldn’t die the same way that she did. Unfortunately, I did not know how to do that and did not possess enough humility to ask for help. I went to Alcoholics Anonymous meeting and stayed sober but stayed sick. They say that you get out of this program what you put into it, and that half measures avail us nothing. I found out after several of months of not doing anything whatsoever of what was recommended to me by other members of AA, that less than half measures actually avail us less than nothing. So, there I was, sober and sick and crazy and not finding the Twelve Step program working very well. In retrospect this is not surprising since I hadn’t actually done any of the twelve steps and very little of any of the other suggestions given to me. I know now that it wasn’t the program that wasn’t working for me; rather that I hadn’t been working the program. So, my life fell apart more than it had when I was drinking and using drugs; I was homeless, squatting in an abandoned house with no heat or water; I was depressed and suicidal, and I was eating in a week what most people ate in a day.

This was when I called Simon House for help. I had become so desperate that I was willing to do whatever it took, since what I was doing really wasn’t working. All of my best efforts had failed. I heard about Simon House from a man at an AA meeting. I had never been to treatment or ever intended to go. Circumstances made me willing. I called in asking to be admitted. The man on the other line asked how long I had been sober. Apparently, you need to be sober for at least five days to be admitted. I told him that I had been sober for a year. He asked why I wanted treatment. I told him that I was crazy, and I was going to kill myself. So, I was admitted.

A lot has happened since then. I received treatment. I didn’t like much of it. I fought a lot of it along the way, being the stubborn and ignorant addict that I can be. It wasn’t easy for me, so I had to work very hard at every step I made along the way. I don’t regret the struggles since I have learned from everyone and today I appreciate my recovery more that anything I have ever had. The hardest part of my journey was the relationship that I have gained with my Higher Power. God was not a welcome word in my presence or in my mind for a long time before I came into treatment. It took a long time, but the counselors and other staff helped me open my mind and find a spirituality that I could build in simple and understandable terms. And I can say today that my relationship with God is the most important thing in my life. It has kept me safe and sober, sane and purposeful where before there was only despair and hopelessness, pain and futility. Simon House gave me the tools, the foundation, and the structure that I have built my recovery on, that has gotten me through the good and bad times for the last four and a half years. I am now a useful and helpful member of society and give back wherever I possibly can, because I have been given so much. I have been given the only chance any addict or alcoholic could ever have: a life in recovery, I am evermore grateful.

Jesse F.