Connor's Story

Before I went to treatment, I lived a life of addiction. I didn't care about anything unless it involved drugs or alcohol. The little life I did have slowly fell apart. I was holding on to that short moment of relief that drugs gave me. I was stuck in a pattern where I would build myself up and then pull the structure down on myself through a senseless series of sprees, resulting in homelessness and nothing to my name except a backpack of clothes. Looking back, I can see that I used the drugs to escape life's hardships. Drugs became the solution to all my problems. I always told myself I'm just enjoying life and that when I was older, I would build a better life for myself. Unfortunately, that better life never came.

I felt like there was no hope. For the next four years, things got steadily worse. In April 2018, I tried fentanyl for the first time. I knew from the first hit that it was what I had been looking for. A real escape from reality. From that point, my addiction went downhill faster than ever. At first, I was only using once or twice a day but it turned into getting high around the clock in a very short time. Within a year, it brought me to my knees. My addiction took everything from me.

In April 2019, I discovered Simon House, but I was skeptical about going to a treatment center. I thought I was too far gone to get help. Out of choices, I decided to take the leap of faith and get help. In my first stint in treatment, I learned many things about myself and my addiction, but that did not keep me sober. I didn't think I needed the 12 steps. After a year of sobriety, I gave in to the idea that maybe I could smoke a little weed since it's not as bad as what I had been doing. That started the phenomenon of craving, and in a short time, I was back to full-blown addiction, lying to everyone around me. Eventually, I got kicked out of sober living and spent a month on the streets. That month was pure hell leaving me emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually broken, bringing me back to Simon House for the second time.

While at Simon House for the second time, I did almost exactly what I had done the first time. I put in just enough work to pass by. I started working right after the 84-day program, and things seemed to be going well, but I didn't invest in my spiritual life. I was high again within four months of leaving treatment. Shortly after I started using again, I overdosed at work which didn't stop me. I kept getting high for another three weeks after almost dying. After that spree, I was more broken than ever.

I saw the 12-step program working for others, so I eventually surrendered to the program knowing that I had no other options. I knew I couldn't do it on my own, so I went back to Simon House for the 3rd time. With the help of the staff and my sponsor, I finally got it—eighty-four days filled with service recovery and unity. I focused on giving back to the community and my brothers in fellowship, which brought me happiness and purpose for the first time in many years.

I left Simon House having completed all 12 steps and working with my own sponsors, but most importantly, I had conscious contact with a higher power of my understanding. I have found that my purpose today is to help the next suffering addict, to give back what was freely given to me. Today I start my day every day by asking what I can give to the world and how I can help people instead of what I can take and who I can manipulate. I hope this recovery story can inspire many in pursuit of a life free from addictions. If you're struggling with addiction, keep fighting, we do recover.

— Connor